Anonymous asked: Why are you with her
Because love hurts.
Its not fair. Its stupid, annoying, hurtful.
It’s blind. It’s dangerous.
Very, very dangerous.
And I’m taking the risk,
Because love is deadly,
But it’s also rare.
Tumblr, you’re my diary for a second. K? Thanks.
She hurt me. Like everyone said she would. She lead me on & lied to me. She lied to my face. She kissed me goodmorning and goodbye everyday. But, I knew her so well, that I knew something wasn’t right. I asked where her attention was & she told me with me. But, it wasn’t. It was with another. Someone she “didn’t love” & “didn’t want to be with” but she chose her over me. For three long months. She put me in a position I begged her not to. Now I have a choice to make. For myself. Do I hurt her like she’s hurt me? Or is that just inflicting pain on myself? Because when she’s hurt, my worlds not okay. Or do I give her a second chance? Because I don’t hate her. Actually, I’m in love with her… I want to be with her. But I’m scared of her & what she might do. Then there’s the twist… I don’t want to hold this over her head for forever. No one deserves to relive their mistakes, she feels bad enough as is & the fact that my “bestfriend” is sad literally kills me. But right now… she makes me sick to my stomach. The thought of her touching another girl is what I hate most. Giving that girl the attention that I desperately begged for. She wants me back. She’s crying for me to be there… & I know she needs me. Really badly. She’s in a bad situation & I feel like I’m supposed to be her hero, so why am I so conflicted? I love her family, her demeanor, I love everything about her. Except the fact that she hurt me. But, we’re young. & Immature. & stupid. Both of us. She just fell into temptation which is understandable, but not acceptable because I didn’t. I’ve been tempted & said no because what I have with her is something so amazing… Something so amazing. Do I want to throw something amazing away? Is it throwing something away if she’s the who one crumbled it up? She treated me so badly for the past three months. Three months. That’s a lot of days. She was being everything she told me I never deserved. But now there’s promises of change…Am I stupid to believe them? Because I do. I have faith in her. I still get good vibes from her. Being without her is a struggle. Waking up without her ring on my finger was a live nightmare. I want to be perfect for her. But everyone’s saying that she doesn’t deserve me. What if I deserve her? Because I want her, I feel like I need her, it’s just something about her. I know she’s supposed to be with me.But, then again, I’ll always remember feeling like I’m not good enough because she chose her. I feel like I’m not what she REALLY TRULY wants. I wish I knew if this was my breaking point. Because my heart sure is in pieces. All the weight is on my shoulders, the world is on my shoulders… Because she is my world.
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